It's a slow fade .

This week is just half-over .

And things are already as bad as it gets .

People will only seem to care when you got some complaints about your family , when you have issues with your crush , when you have relationship issues or when you're down because someone said something to hurt your self-esteem .

But no one seems to give a damn if I'm losing my sanity day by day , or whether my faith has been crumbling until the point of near nothingness , or whether my morals have been dropping ever so drastically...

I don't know who I am anymore . I don't know what I am anymore .

All I know is that I'm just a student trying to study for his Mid-terms in trying to please his father . In this case , my best is not enough .

I hardly get to access the internet these days , so my doubts are only left in my mind to linger and consume me , without proper sources , I just cannot seem to reconcile some things . Thankfully I got to send my message to the few people who are the only ones who can help me now . Now I've got to somehow find a way to get to read their replies IF they reply .

I don't see a point in living .

Dear God ,
in my epic moment of weakness , depression , weariness and doubt , I pray that this isn't my last prayer to you . I don't know if I can hold my ground any longer without help , help that I can only get at least once a week . But yet you have been faithful , and you led me to people who are so intelligent and they are just so willing to help , if only they didn't live in a different time zone . You know what I've been doing wrong , you know the reason why I've been losing my sanity and my faith , but I've never been able to anything to save myself . Father , I need you .

I'm sorry for being so prideful , so angry and intolerant .

But what is it that I can do to correct myself ?







Oh and , YOU . If you're possibly thinking that just because I might be liking you a little bit then you're right . But I didn't do anything with those feelings , and if you're seriously being who you were the last time this happened . Then screw it you suck . You're just living up to your childish stereotype (Which I hope you are not) .


I've already lost my strength to stand .
I've also lost my ability to be reasonable .

Please , if you're reading this don't piss me off . Whoever you are . I got enough on my back already .