Asadasdgas;

Oh man thanks for giving me a glimpse of what that was for...


Now I'm even more afraid to face this.



I find your disciplinary methods,Lord, really interesting.


Let me tell you all a story:

Long long time ago , in the year of 1994 , a boy named Declan was born.

I grew up in a "sort of" happy family , but after I entered std 1 , things changed.


There were "some" things that happened in my life , especially "things" uttered and done by my family that I did not forgive. Whenever I brought issues more than a year old to my father , he would always stress on forgiveness.

But I never listened.

I always kept records of wrongs done against me by my family and relatives,and when they didn't do things my way,I would bring those events up to make them feel guilty.Because clearly,I did not yet forgive.


I never wanted to in the case of my family. I thought that big hurts like these shouldn't be forgotten...


And yet God almighty put words in my early life , stressing on forgiveness too, which I obviously blatantly ignored.


So he pulled out the big guns, and last year,I was hurt by someone.

Well back then it wasn't much. But it just had to be someone I'd yearn for so much.

When we were best friends, we quarreled over the slightest of things,all of it is usually due to my unreasonable sensitivity.

So I asked myself this yesterday night :"Kenapa lah ? If I can go on forums where debates about the most sensitive of issues on this planets and allow myself to be corrected,why not this?"

So I was brought back to my unforgiving past...and realized that I have not forgiven.

I couldn't forgive what she did to me last year.

I thought I did...but the fact that I think about it alot just proves that I didn't.

and for once, I feel guilty and stupid and unreasonable and depressed( I know I just used two "and"s but I don't care for now) , about it.

Was this what C.S.Lewis was talking about when he said that God whispers to us in our pleasures,talks to us in our conscience and shouts to us in our pain ? Because this IS painful.

Is this some divine sign from above telling me that I am going down to wrong road?



4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.



Uh oh GG .


I was wrong.