Desire

Alright , Yuen Wei suddenly made me the assistant to Li Ann for the photography for sports day (only on the day itself) , and I'm not really doing anything...

I feel...guilty.


I might be living on what I would call "temporary strength" right now , as I bury all my hurts , issues and difficulties under all my emotions . I'm just waiting for that day to come...

Waiting for that day when there will be no more sorrows and no more tears...
Where all the longing hearts will be crying out :"Worthy is the lamb"

Today I stumbled in my sharing while sharing to a small morning prayer crowd on the problem of evil . No one probably understood anything given my consistent stuttering...

I also tried to "asianize" Dr.William Lane Craig's speech about the PoE . Failed .

But what I did learn was that I learned from my own words...

I know that all I'm going to get more in this life is not necessarily happiness , but pain.

Sure , my faith will go through even MORE fire (Also given the type of career I'd be heading for).
Sure , the girl of my dreams would never accept me .
Sure , I might even be single for life because I can't forgive my own low-self esteem .

But in the end , what is the meaning of all this ?

If this is what it takes to bring you praise , bring the pain.

I know I will stumble , I know I will probably be pathetic and start crying in my room again.

But what I want is to fall down and yet have the strength to stand back up knowing that the race is worth it.


And yet...bringing joy to someone , whether it's something small or big , just gives the that joy to keep on moving . Whether I comforted someone in their sorrow even though I am deeply in sorrow myself , or whether it's just escorting someone to do something to help them... There's this sense of joy of being a better person.


Wouldn't it be strange if a universe with no purpose produced beings (Humans) who are so obsessed with meaning ?