What happens when you enter into a battlefield rushing head strong because you have a bunch of medics and supports to support you, but now you're left with the giants with nothing but a single medic to be by your side?
I've came to a point whereby only this one person seems to be able to understand and help me with things. but one supporter is not enough.
Some people have been 'infected', they used to be on your side, but now they've turned. All they cause you now is pain and the feel of defeat. Sure, at first you'd try to "cure" that person, but if that person chose with his/her own free will to turn, then why cure the incurable?
Shoot.
Like my analogy above, I'm just getting rid of a few people, whom I thought were the people that I could trust and who would be by my side even if the battle seemed harsh on me.
But I was wrong. I got betrayed.
Sure they didn't open fire on me, but leaving me like that with desolation just kills me inside....
No apologies, no realization... just pure desolation after being so close.
Thanks alot. You've left me wounded and probably permanently damaged :)
But I guess, this is life.
Sometimes the battle has to be fought alone.
But truth be told, I was never alone.
To be honest though...
For the past 60 days or so, I really didn't feel like living.
The only thing that was making me push forward was some function in my brain telling me not to. God works with Biology in the most wonderful ways...
Only two days, where I felt that life was worth living. And it was all because I found someone who just knew of my position...
But it didn't last. I can't seem to fall deeply for anyone else anymore.
All I want to do now is just... sleep a neverending sleep.
It's times like these when I ask myself emotionally,
Where are you?
I know the answer, but I really don't like it.
You know the pains, you know that things have only been getting worse...
And it's not just this single person who managed to pierce my everything 4 times in a row...
It's not just about my faith being attacked from every single way possible...
It's not just about me hating myself for the things I say and do...
It's everything combined to be one adversary that I cannot defeat by my own strength.
Meeting her was a relief for 2 days, but after that, barrages kept on hitting me.
The stupid thing is that I can't do anything to defend myself anymore...
With all the things of this world bothering me...
I've lived a fairly good life, getting all the material things I wanted....
But other than that, the things that really mattered...
It never happened my way.
Never will.
Is it not strange that we humans could never get used to getting hurt?
We could make new technologies to adapt to our surroundings, and yet we cannot protect ourselves from each other.
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