Confusion .

I feel like exploding .
I feel like...Just forgetting most of the things I've learned about him , and start from square one .
I feel so useless , I feel like an abomination .

Marching today , I felt like fainting so many times .

I'm taking some time to slowly understand more now . . . Don't expect me to give you a shoulder for you to cry on or anything during the holidays , I'm too weak to even help myself.