The day that I declare school officially 'pointless'

School was pointless to attend .

I'm not going for the rest of the week .

10 free periods is just too much .

I got back my Math JPS paper . 80/100 . I was so bored that I tore it :O

Guess what's my position in class ?

13/40

Yes , I felt like swearing .

So Pn Ernice handed me a copy of the class list , and boy oh boy...

If you didn't count Chinese and compared the results of everyone fairly , I would've been at No.2 closing in the top student , Yew Siing (unfortunately his Chinese brought him down too) by a mere 0.2% .

Thinesh , I'm sorry la , but I still beat you without Chinese :D Even if you're number one right now .

Only me and Yew Siing got 3A's , and yeah , it was funny seeing my name lower than a couple of LaLa's (ZOMGosh , My average WITH Chinese beat them too . Too bad I failed)

I'm pissed off at this stupid system . This system is just sooooo unjust !

I already know that some people are already looking down on me...(Even tho their average was only like 60 ? While mine WITH Chinese is 69 ...but they fail to count so yeah) .

Chinese is already heavy enough to bear , and our system just made it ALOT heavier .

-.-

So yeah , I'm still quite satisfied with my Trials . If it weren't for an unjust positioning system , I would've been number 2 , and just 0.2 marks away from the 1st dude .

Btw . My average with the 7 subjects is : 74.1

So yeah .

School was horrifically boring .

I want to sleep now .

Oh , and my sister mentioned something about Jojo being involved in a .....
LOL .
I knew it ! Actually I was the first to know !
HEHEHEHEHEHE .

Wow . Talk about numbness . . . I feel so free!!!

Abu Gay ?!

I didn't manage to sleep last night .


Even with TWO doses of my sleeping pills (The herbal type tho . . . )

Sigh .


Guess it was because I was too lazy to wake up from 7 hours of sleep yesterday to go to church , and sleeping in the afternoon again even with too much sleep .

This week should be the last week of tuition .

Sigh , I think I'm going to miss attending tuitions .


9 days ...


Lol , I wanted to go to school today too . I also told SOMEONE that I was coming . Sadly , I didn't turn up . Wanted to see that certain someone too.... :(

But hey... I skipped Norlia AND The(Teh) Wan Ying ! Hehehe .

Sometimes I feel like I'm ready , and sometimes I don't .

That's why I'm super PMS at home .

I answer back my grandmother (The one that Jagaed me all my life ...) too much...:O



AND AND....



I also wondered how Justin Boey is gonna handle us next year ... With Budaya Ben Kit .... :O



AND AND....


I just saw the PMR timetable (Which , according to Rachel , I didn't get because I probably didn't come when they gave it out )


I'm SO SCARED .


Why is Maths paper 1 on Friday and Paper 2 on Monday ?!!

And KH finishes at 9.40 A.M on Tuesday (Last paper for Non-Chinese takers) Then Chinese paper 2 starts at 10.30 A.M (What's with the INCONSIDERATE big gap ?!!! )

AND THEN , paper 2 finishes at 12.30 P.M , then followed up by Chinese paper 1 which starts at 2.10 P.m. to 3.10 P.M .

That means , Chinese students have to stay back for around 5 hours+ after everyone else starts celebrating .

WTH?!

Screw Chinese lah .

Waga waga ?

Lol , I'm online again .

After studying Sejarah a little , I just had to come online again .



It's just 12 days away . I've been feeling the heat , the insomnia (I have my sleeping pills at the ready ! ) , the nightmares coming to me already . . .



12 days ....

And 12 x 24 =


12
x24
-----
48
+240
-----
288 hours left to PMR .

Yeah I know . I'm freaking myself out :(



I keep thinking that I'm gonna screw things up .
I have to be STILL . . .
I keep forgetting about the fact that someone up there already knows my outcome and he holds my future in his hands . . .


Well , there's nothing more to do than to study so...

To all my fellow form 3's out there :
Let's do this !


And well... For Dota . It's getting more and more idiotic these days .

I know it's frustrating when someone does something stupid that caused your teams demise .

But people just can't seem to differentiate a Game and life .

I was playing with 3 friends today , and one of them , who was supposedly the pro-est among all of us , started lashing out at well... everyone but one ? I got it the most since I knew him quite well , so he didn't hold anything back . I seriously don't mind and I can really understand if you get frustrated because of a game , but when it comes to lashing out insults that are so irrelevant to the mistakes done in the game ...

For example ,
Carelessness cannot be defined as stupidity .

Blur-ness cannot be defined as idiotcrisy(Is that even a word?) .

It just amazes me how some people (including me sometimes ) act so differently in the online world compared to real life .

I mean , is winning a single-near-meaningless game of Dota worth destroying friendships ? (Not that any have been destroyed yet...)

Think of it this way , You win Dota , you play again , and that previous match is nothing . So yeah .

What happened to playing for fun ? Oh well . Note to self : Only play Dota with more understanding people .

I'm off to play (probably my last game) with Danush and Tiek Yi again .

Tata!

Mamma mia !

Well , I am SO scared for PMR .


I don't even know whether I'm prepared or not .

Judging by my trials results , I "SHOULD" be ready .

But I have so many "worst case scenario" thoughts ...

Like for example : Thinking that a chapter that I'm not sure of comes out for Science paper 2 and stuff .


Oh wells .

Won't be blogging for a while now .

Forcing myself not to play anymore .

After a super satisfying Dota match with Gavin .
Well , here's what we did in early game : I picked Dark Seer , whilst Gavin chose Gondar .

It was Gavin's idea for me to ion shell him while he was in Wind Walk mode , and so yeah , he killed alot . And they didn't know what hit them . HAHA .

Oh wells .

Bye !

And and...

PHEI FERN IS NOT USELESS OR STUPID :)

Hooop da hoop .

My sister is staying overnight at her friends house . YES !

Alright , so me , Danush , Gavin , Chee Seng , along with some guys from the neighborhood played basketball just now .

It was extra hot because today is supposed to be the September equinox , or was it yesterday ?

It was fun , but as usual , I was the noobest there .

Okay so , I'm giving up on more and more goals in my life , more and more thoughts have I thrown away .

But is it really worth it ? Does HE want me to do this ? I haven't been spending a lot of quiet time with Him lately . . . It's more like , force myself to read the bible , say a nearly routine prayer and go to sleep .

Sigh .

This isn't gonna work on me anymore...

Faking it .

Big fight with sister yesterday .

Don't wanna talk about it .



Just that I've been becoming more and more vulgar lately . . .

I've got to stop .

The pain .

My parents are out for a week .
My sister is always either asleep or out .
No tuition for a week .
I'm not supposed to be online too .
I tried studying , but there's something stopping me from doing that ...

I felt so cold when I thought about PMR .


I couldn't sit down and study at all ...

I was distracted from day 1 , trying to push everything aside...

ARGHHH!!!



I forgot , I can't handle pressure . . .

I forgot to do something REALLY important...


ARGHHH


I'm taking into account what Gavin said to me over Skype that day while Dotaing , well , I know he didn't really mean it (or maybe he did) , but well , it's the truth ...."You can't get anything right ! "


Being left out , being a loner... well , it has it's pros and cons . I want to fully be back to Maple again , there , I think , even though those people I meet there will not be REAL friends , but heck ,
it's better than nothing .


You know...Hollywood and all them western influences tells us that in order to find Mr or Mrs right , the first few steps are to "fall in love" and to find the right person . But maybe HIS way is different ? What if he wants us to "walk in love " and to BE the right person first ? Ever thought of that ?

Multi '

Wow , Maple sure has changed alot right after Private Servers started popping out . Along with many potential @Cash buyers(Their source of income) quitting because of their technical incompetence .

They introduced so many new systems in the game that makes things SO much easier .

For example , they actually reworked the EXP chart . It only takes 70% of the amount of experience points you needed to gain a level last time to level up now . So many experience filled quests and stuff...

Well , I had nothing in my new character , my 25mil was scammed (in a different server tho) , I didn't bother anyway . Wei Han sponsored me 70k and a few potions . That's it . Nothing else . Started from nearly scratch . Decided to go for a pure Int build because I know that I would most likely be purchasing @Cash after my exams .

And on today itself (though I created the Character yesterday , I only touched it today) I managed to reach level 20 . Which is quite hard to do back then .

Well , I started playing MapleStory when Andrew introduced it to me back when I was 10 . So yeah , that's 5 years of Mapling on and off .

I was right when Bootes was launched , and right before 3rd job came out too .
Back then , 100 mesos is...ALOT . Now however , 70k is just enough for potions to reach level 20 . . .


Okay enough about Maple .


Well , my parents were fighting with my Sis again ...
My flu just got a little better , but I still have a lot of mucus in my nose .

Ahh~
Here's the music video I wanted those people who always think of us , normal-classed students , as stupid :




If you don't know Chinese , don't bother listening . Haha . The irony of me just saying that...


Well , I've got to study again , and I'll enjoy it this time .
Why I enjoy studying now ?
No more tuitions for a week , due to the festive season .


Here I go...

Bye people !


I'm so glad that you're feeling better...

18 .

Eighteen more days people !

So yeah , I downloaded MapleStory already .

Level 13...

ALOT has changed since I last played . So yeah .

I can't wait to be a hardcore Mapler again . . .

Finally a break from so many social problems... Ah...

Anyway , went to eat with my family in Lemon Garden @ Shangri-la in KL .

I was sick , so I didn't eat much . SIGH .

Sick and tired .

I'm sick . Literally and figuratively .

Running nose + A sore throat .

Sigh .


Have you ever been so sick of a particular hurting moments that keeps on happening over and over again and no matter what... You're never getting used to it .

Well that's me .


Every single darn time , I know for a fact that it was going to happen , and yet...


But still , I have to hold fast . . .

It wouldn't have hurt so much if I always remembered that I had a God who give and takes away , and he is the Lord , so I should be still .

This same thing happened to me over and over again , but everytime it repeats , I react differently to it compared to the past . . .

Sigh .

I got two days of Dota , then no more internet until PMR is over .

Dota was one of my only ways to get over these sort of things...But it's just different without Gavin or Marn Keong . . .

I'm filling myself with hatred when I play just to overcome depression . And that ins't something very nice .


Amazing isn't it ? How people can hurt you so easily , and badly , just by saying a few words that you weren't meant to hear ... and the worst part is...They didn't know what it did to your feelings too.


Okay , so I'm done dotaing with Gavin .

Two games , both won because of awesome teammates .

I was just so distracted and rusty that I actually casted reaper's scythe on an Akasha who only had 5% of her life gone , sheesh . For those who don't know , it's one of the stupid-est , dumbest move to do in Dota , you should've heard Gavin over the mike , he was like "Tuuut Tuuuut TuuuT" .

But still , it was 2 hours gameplay without thinking about that...thing.

Hide me now , under your wings .

I'll smile through the storm this time :)

I've tried making you smile . But I don't feel like being your friend anymore . . . I am not worthy .

Cringing in fear and unforgiveness . . .

After a short argument with my sister . . .
I suddenly recalled the things that happened back at my old church . . .
The hurts . . .
The pain. . .
The unforgiveness . .

I'm finding it hard to forgive those people , especially my sister .
Even though I know that that is the thing that I should do . . .

I mean , imagine being humiliated by a YOUTH LEADER , with a mic on , with everyone listening , about the way you dress . What? It's not like there's a dress code for church . . . I just wore my average 3 quarter pants (old one) along with a pure white shirt , while everyone else was wearing jeans or fancy dressings (Most of the girls wore really revealing stuff , especially my sister's gang . So , shoot me and not them ? I mean , even if you wanna discriminate...) ?

Then being pushed away literally by my sister's friend , and more stuff I get...

My definitions of a leader was changed definitely after meeting Ivan...Iris etc.etc.

But the thing is that I'm still dwelling in the horrific past . . .


Sigh .

Help me to forgive .

If I were a...

The JPS papers weren't "JPS" papers .

I got 37/40 for the paper 1 of the "JPS"(OR KELANTAN) Science paper .
I might have screwed up paper 2 . I mean come on , the English used was so horrible !
(Samantha counted 21 grammatical errors . WOAH)

Screw maths , they wanted to save some money so they decided to NOT provide us with the Formula paper . Not that I needed it , actually I did for just one question... Sigh .


All my school trials results are in...

English : 86 (28/30 for the main essay! :0 )
Maths : 81
Science : 83
Sejarah : 73
Geography : 73 or 72 / 2 /3
BM : 54
Kh : 70

Giving me an average of about...74.1 .

YAY!

But if you add my Chinese in which is 36 ...
My average is 69 .

And I'm bound to be compared with other who don't take Chinese with my average WITH Chinese . So I'll probably lose out to Eu Liang , Thinesh and Kavindran ?

But I'm glad that I beat them fair and square .

A big thank you to my bunch of friends in my class who encouraged me so much .


I can't believe that a baby actually got crushed by an escalator in OU because of his Crocs shoe , and DIED !

Well , this might sound cheesy , but God has been trying to tell me ALOT lately . . .

Whether through Cellgroup , through events that seem too true to be a mere coincidence...

Wow .

I can't believe that I failed to kill the little rat that I stumbled upon in my bathroom .

Even my father shrieked !
HAHA .

So I took the broom stick and made it "fly"


But it escaped !

T.T


I'm lucky that I didn't go to school today , because En.Allen went around cutting peoples hair...

Hehehehe .


There we go , Muhyiddin declared tomorrow a holiday . So the holidays begin now .
One week of studying , then it's D-Day !

And Selamat Hari Raya to all my Malay friends out there !



1Corinthians 13 . . . I'm missing something .

Walk and talk .

More results are in .

Here are the updates :-
English : 86
Maths : 81
Science : 81 - :O That wasn't expected at all . Maybe I counted wrongly ?
Geography : 72 - Alright , so I lost to Thinesh AND Eu Liang . I'm still satisfied .
KH : 70
BM : 54
Sejarah : (SUBJECT TO CHANGE) 73 . (Marked myself with Angsana's answers given by their teacher .



Chinese : 36 - This wasn't expected too ! I got the exact same marks as last time , so that means I didn't slack .

Chinese was the most depressing part of the day , why ?
Rachel and Li Yen looked at me as if failing Chinese proved my stupidity or something...

That's the whole reason why I need to get my 6 A's (Which proved to be possible after the trials) , to prove to all my friends that I'm not stupid ! I mean , the only few friends I have from Good classes who do not think I'm stupid just because of my class would be Danush , Phei fern and Gavin along with Wei Xian .

Nothing I can do .

My sister pissed me off .

I almost swore with my mom beside me .

She's just so freaking stupid and unreasonable sometimes , sheesh .

Well , anyone going for the 5km Run'N'Pray walk ? I have no idea whether I should participate , especially with the date being right between my PMR examination .

And the HEROES 2009 camp organized by the National Baptist Convention ?

Well .

Things have been up and down lately , especially on....Thursday .

After something I learned from someone on Wednesday night , I felt so depressed again . Even in school , and after school I felt SOOOOOOO depressed , more depressed then I ever was , then I tried going online , however the modem got fried (I just got a new one today btw) . I felt so horrible until the point where I just couldn't think straight anymore . Then , I just ... prayed . Tried my best to , even though I didn't want to .

And I received two SMS-es that clarified EVERYTHING and made EVERYTHING better right before my tuition started .

God=Awesome X Infinity :)







Okay , so people keep asking me "Why so fast wan?"

(Especially Danush and Gavin)

FYI , I didn't like that feeling at all , and all the troubles it was bringing to me .
Therefore , I prayed that it would go away , lots of times ...
and then , it did .
And I'm glad .


So Li Hui's "Son" cried .
I don't blame him , seriously .
The paper was hard lah okay ? You were just careless , just as all of us would have told you , you're a potential 7A student .

Then there's a few annoying personalities in my life ...
Sheesh , there's this dude who's older than the most of us , who addresses everyone as kids and discriminates ? What the hell man , weren't you a kid once ? The fact that you're a horny pervert doesn't prove your maturity either .

Okay , I got a few results ... and here they are...:
KH : 70/100 - A VERY VERY reasonable B ... WOW !
English : 86/100 - My essay saved me .
Maths : 81/100 - Okay ...okay... I know I didn't fare as well as the Cempaka-ians , but I'm still satisfied with this A
BM : 54/100 - I PASSED !!!! YAY !


Really happy with this so far .


McD's for dinner .... I'm getting sick of it weih . :P


I fixed my Robosapien ! (Actually I just changed the 4 year old batteries)


Taekwondo...was...alright T.T

Dominic was complaining of lethargy during our first break already ! Haha .

Great , for our new syllabus , we all have to memorize 3 or 4 patterns .

Oh gosh . 1 is tough enough !


James is leaving . BYE JAMES ! I don't know you well tho .

Ian Lo is officially back ! YAY!

A day of... F---------------------

Today was horrible .

Cik Siti gave out our Science paper one marks .
I got 34/40 .

What made me upset was that people like Fam Yi Wen , EE NING and Chan Lok Yi got friggin same as me .

*Tries to refrain from swearing*

AND THEN , Chinese .

After what happened last night , I dare not talk to the two people who supposedly made Chinese fun for me . . . I tembaked 30 questions , because of all the thoughts in my head ...


ARGHHH !



I can't take the pressure anymore !

But I've got to prove to them... That I'm not stupid !


Another one...Sigh .

Overconfidence .

GAHH!!! Kh turned out to be easier than expected compared to History .

Omigosh , overconfidence !


14 wrong so far , and I'm not sure about the careless mistakes .

That takes away my hopes for getting 80+ , which leaves me to 70+ ...

I can already hear Thinesh , Yuen Hung and Chin Seng laughing in my face ... Sheesh .


First I screwed science , then History , now geography ?


Well , If I do get 70 and above , it's still alright PMR-wise....



The competition to enter the Pure Science classes among the Form 3's this year is hot! I'd better get 6A's at least to enter ...




I'm sick of being looked down upon . Not just by students , but by teachers too .
Although your class doesn't prove your stupidity , many people think otherwise .
I'm sick and tired of so many people looking down on me , trampling on me , underestimating me . . .

Why can't I ever get whatshe (It's not who you all think it is...Only Gavin , Danush and Phei Fern ? Along with some others should know..If you don't , don't even try to know) says , quotes :" I'm not born smart...I just worked really hard for it"

Then again...I don't know nuts about my abilities or talents .
There's nothing that I dare say that I'm good at that is positive ...

I feel like an epic fail .

EPIC .


First , I was supposed to own in science . And I got owned instead .

Second , Maths , but everyone usually does the same , except I go 5 marks or less above them .

Third , history , I used to be the first when our first monthly test arrived , now I'm doing horrible .

Fourth , Geography , I shall never trust it ...



Am I doomed to fail from the start ?
To enter some random Arts class(I'm not saying that Arts is bad , it's just that the jobs available for Arts doesn't interest me ) and become a mediocre person with a boring life with no special skills/talents at all ?

#500 .

WOW , 500th post .

Yesterday was awesome .

Bumped into Ivan on the way to that unknown field while I was on the phone with him asking for directions ... ahah .

Frisbee was fun !

Back to studying ???

My dad told me that because I am sleeping directly under the fan , I will get dehydrated faster therefore I can't sleep sometimes .

Oh no !

I survived without Dota or any online game for nearly 5 months now ... WOW .

It's about you , and the world you promised !

Epic epic epic !

Woah , they day I decide not to go for training is the day everyone got their club shirts !

Dang it .

Well , I'm getting inspired alot these days .

Seriously .

Especially "Be still and know.."

It's a video that inspires WITHOUT music !

I'll post it up soon .

As for now , I shall TRY to study for my Geography and KH , and I'd BETTER get an A for my Sejarah after all the stuff I've gone through .

Oh yeah , I think I should throw my phone away .

Cause I accidentally said "something" to "someone"

The day the earth .... spinned !

I marked my Science paper 1 yesterday night with Thinesh ... 33/40 . Shoot .

So I asked Rachel(Law) how much she got and...
"Oh , I got all correct"

Genius...



I think...I think I got the intro right for "My redeemer live" already . But sadly I lost another pick... Dang , it was my lucky one . So I got to use my sister's metal one...Which was...LOUD

I missed Tkd today , due to lethargy .

Woah...Facebook Tags scare me .

Looking up !

Your grace has found me just as I am ...

Well , maths was....AWESOMEEEE!

For once , I knew that I had 6 mistakes in paper one , but paper 2 was just...AWESOMEEE ! :D

I went to CF today :O

Christian teman-ed me . I'm touched !

Had some 'intellectual' talk with Jack right after school while eating . It proved to be useful stuff .

Hmm...A wheel eh ?

Went to CF , it was SAD today .

SAD = Sister's appreciation day !

Joseph was on the Electric ! and Huey Wern was lead singing . . .However ... Something went horribly wrong in the PA department so... yeah .

The performances were great .

And for today's word...I believe that I am a...Chicken !
Well , That's what I have been doing anyway...

Then , Li Yen told me about... something .

Apparently , I betrayed someone , and someone betrayed me ?

haha , small matter . I think .


I'm hyped , why ?

Because HIS power is made perfect in MY weakness .

If I do good in my exams , I shall praise him .
If I do horribly in my exams , I shall praise him too .

An extra day to study for History ! Yay !

Update.
Yay , I got the slow intro...

Now what's a barre chord..?




I'm completely fine if you think of me as one of those students who don't study and end up failing in life . Seriously , I love how most of the "Good" class people think of us "Stupid" classed people . I mean , your intelligence isn't proved by what class you're in , so maybe you work hard . But that doesn't mean that we're STUPID right ?

Epic phail .

Science today ...

I'm speechless .

Everyone else seemed to have done better then me .

Sheesh weih .

First mistake in paper 2 , forgetting to convert minutes into seconds .
2nd mistake , Losing 4 darn marks just because I said 'Pollinated by wind' instead of , anther and filament found dangling outside of the flower , I mean , it means the same right !!! ARGGHHHHH

Then I'll probably lose some marks in the freaking salt question . . .

I got around 7 mistakes for paper 1 ... So that means I still have slim chance of getting an A ... At least an A .

I would cry if any of the lalas beat me in Science , I'm down right serious .


Oh yeah , Bm paper 2 results are back , I got 57/100 , a PASS !
Yay .


And right before school ended , our class's front fan fell on a few students , poor Chow Guan got a direct hit...nearly .



I think I'm being a little too optimistic about Science and Maths . Given that this is supposed to be harder than PMR itself , and that Pn Norlia changed the standards of A to 80 from 75 ...

Sheesh!


I'm kinda used to that disgusted look , so it's alright .

Growing retarded .

English and Chinese paper 2 today .

According to Eu Liang , who is supposedly a stern critic of mine , said that I wrote well .

How did he know ? Apparently , when I was cracking my head during the Chinese paper , the others were actually watching Pn.Ernice mark the papers .

Chinese on the other hand , was .... Sure fail .

Why? First , because Li Yen just HAD to bring something up in front of SOMEONE , making things even more awkward .

Second , my ink smelled like a dead rat .

Thrid , the title of my most important essay was a 'complete the story' type .

Here's what the starting sounded like...

School starts , as the Chinese teachers enters the class with a stack of Examination papers...

I barely knew what I was writing at ALL! Though I definitely remembered stating how people would ask me to quit Chinese , how it pulled my average down , how teachers and students looked down on me , and that I'm allowed to quit next year .

Yes , it's a confirmed fail .

I feel like I'm a whole different tuition in tuition these days...

Sorry Jo Yee.... For being all hyper and joking with you without taking into account your feelings .

Sorry Casey....For bringing up something that I shouldn't .


Sheesh , What's wrong with me ?

Is it because of that...thing ?

I doubt so . I trying my best to ignore that whole thing , though sometimes I just feel like spilling about it .

Thank you Danush , for being there .



You know what , I think I gotta take a break from CF . Period .



If I don't get an A for Maths and Science ... I'm SCREWED .
I feel like crying ... with all the pressure...ARGHH .



30 days 30 days . . .

Fairest of them all ? Ahahahaha .

Welcome to my life .

Didn't sleep well yesterday night . Thank goodness I had my secret weapon....COFFEE !

Bm paper 2 was...alright , but I can't really say , since the last time I said it was okay , I failed . *Gulps*

Screw Norlia's paper , lol .

Anyway , I think hanging out with hot-tempered people has been causing me to be rather hot tempered too .

I explode so easily nowadays ... Tooo easily .

Well , I'm so used to being fearful , until the point that I'm letting friendships down all because of this certain fear .

OH well .

Oh and by the way , I managed to find out where my mom hid the modem !




Good luck on your trials everybody !



I'm so so so so sorry ...