It's all about you and the world you promised .

Update
Taekwondo today was horrifically fun .
Intensive training .
Step-Sparring and Technique sparring with Danush , I mean , sparring with a close friend , a MssD gold medalist and a 3rd Dan isn't something you get to experience everyday . The injuries hurt tho .






It's been a rather...sleepy week this week .

I tried getting up early this week , even though it's a holiday week , but I failed . I barely studied , but at least there's some progress .

Math's , KH and Geo is KILLING ME .

Well , I was supposed to study with Chin Seng at SS2's McD's yesterday morning . We made really really little progress . Partly because I was traumatized by two McDonald workers shoo-ing away a homeless man (surprisingly , he can speak BM pretty well . And when the youth had dinner there on Saturday night , he was already sleeping there ) gangster-style .

It's funny how we city people watch and make all these movies regarding the less fortunate and how we are supposed to help them . I mean , it's almost everyday we hear or see something related to donating to the homeless and the less fortunate . But when THESE people live amongst us , we look down on them , we treat them like ... animals ... We're all hypocrites .

Well , I went through the 'Atheist Vs Theist' inside of me all over again on.. Monday ?

Here's a HUGE thanks you to Li Yen and Rachel Law for letting me Sms them about this , along with their advice .

And an especially BIG thank you to Lee Strobel , an ex-Atheist , for his books about 'Faith Vs Science' .

I finally got it when I read a part of Lee's book titled 'The case for Faith' , when he was interviewing an expert , and this is what the expert suddenly said (or something like this ):'Lee , you're an Ex-Atheist , you an bombard me with thousands or millions of intellectual questions which I couldn't answer , but I just KNOW that I'm believing in the REAL THING . It's like , you saying to me :" The rainbow isn't
pretty ! Why do you think it's pretty ?! " "Because it has...Red green and....in it" That might be my reply , however , maybe you don't like colors , but I still KNOW that I am believing in the real thing . How do I know that I AM believing in the real thing ? Well the Jesus asked us to 'follow' , and he taught us alot of stuff , for example , he said that you would feel better giving rather than receiving , and I might be skeptical about it at first , but when I tried it out myself , I just felt it . Okay , so you might say that Jesus made a 'lucky' guess , but if you would read on in the Bible , you would be surprised at how many 'lucky' guesses he made . '

And in other dialog...

'I can have little faith in thick ice , and alot of faith on thin ice . But it's what my faith is 'invested' in that counts . The thick ice will support me , even though I didn't have much faith in it , while the thin ice will cause me to fall , even though I had ALOT of faith in it . It's what you put your faith in that counts '


And again , I'm thanking Ivan , for answering my oh-so-endless amount of questions ...

My condolences to Di Wern and her friends for the passing of their old school friend .

Oh yeah , BIRTHDAYS !

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEREMY LAI(Yesterday),
You have been an awesome friend . Not many can counter our retardedness in tuition sometimes ! Ahahah .

Oh and upcomings...

29 of August ,
Dad , I never wished you a 'Happy Birthday' or 'Happy father's day' in like...5 years? So here I am wishing you now...Happy birthday Dad .

31st of August ,
One of the most important thing in my life....


My country , Malaysia !
Although your politics SUCK . But I still love you . I won't call any other country home but you . I was sent here , and therefore I shall appreciate you . I am truly thankful , for a country where Racial unity is even possible , although it's not achieved yet ... For a country where we are protected from most natural disasters....
Happy birthday Malaysia !

and umm...

Samantha Ho !
I don't know you well , but , I definitely know that you're a scary one ! Haha , kidding . Well anyway , thanks for tolerating some of my nonsense sometimes , so yeah..Happy birthday Samantha !



Omigosh . Is acoustic-guitar playing and Taekwondo learning my type ? *Screams* Okay ... it's not that bad . But the fact that I suck at BOTH of it...

If you think Red was high enough , think BLACK . *Hides inside my closet*

A battle of mere words .

I've been viewing Christianity in an Atheistic point of view for quite sometime now .
I'm putting one leg into Him and another into the world . After I almost lost it yesterday , I figured that I'm only looking at the "Anti-Christ" side of the argument , bringing it to Ivan , who thankfully was there to help me .

So here I stand(or sit) , to view the "Anti-Evo" part of the big debate , instead of being so critical about my own faith , I'm gonna look into BOTH sides of the debate .

First doubt about Evolution : If we evolved from Monkeys or Primates , why are they still here ?!

Second doubt about Evolution : The theory of evolution states that evolution takes place SLOWLY , like in the gap of a few million years . Well , we know that our heart and our brain has to exist and the exact same time in order to function , without the brain the heart can't function and vice-versa , so if evolution can only take place slowly , how did both our brain and heart come about at the exact same time ? Afterall , they say that we were first tiny little cells .

Third doubt about Evolution : Looking at the things around me , everything seems to be so "perfect" . For example , without trees , we would all suffer , animals would die , we would probably die of hunger . Without sunlight , the trees wouldn't be able to conduct photosynthesis too . The sun is 1.5million KM away from the Earth , any further would cause us to freeze , while any closer would burn us . Looking at just the few of my examples given above , you can see that everything exists in a way that it's 'good' for us . I don't think all of it were just mere accidents ...

Fourth doubt about evolution : The law of Physics states that Matter must be created(I think) , therefore , believing in Evolution and the big bang would contradict this since everything was supposedly an 'accident' and it just 'poof-ed' into existence .

Fifth doubt about evolution : They say that Dinosaurs lived before our time , then why do we dig up archaeological artifacts from the ancient times where the pictures of 'Dinosaurs' were engraved on them ? Didn't they vanish off the face of the earth before we did ?



That's just a few of them .



Another thing I found out when I was reading a book called 'The case for Faith' by ex-Atheist Lee Strobel was this :

As the author was interviewing this Ph.D dude called....Bill Craig ?
The author asked him about whether Miracles directly contradict the Laws of Nature .
It's a long story , and the information given was written with really deep English .
Therefore I'm just going to skip to the example given by Craig , ' For example , the Law of Gravity states that if an apple fell from it's tree , it would fall to the ground . But if I place my hand under the apple and catch it before it touches the ground , does that mean that I contradicted the laws of gravity and we would need to work a new law ? No , it's just human intervention , it didn't go against the laws of gravity . Same goes to miracles , God intervenes this time ...' (It goes something like that , I have no idea how to elaborate or explain further ...This book is tough)


That's all I have for now .

The pain inside .

CF...Argh

I don't get it , that supposed "Chain" has already been broken , and yet , I still feel a sense of discouragement in the CF . Loving others instead of expecting to love... I tried , but not hard enough I guess ?

I'm angry at a friend right now , but I guess it's because I expect too much from people .

Daniel Joseph came out of his depression with the help of Ivan...
I wish I could talk to Ivan too , but I just don't have the time... ugh .

I'm so pissed off at my class . Okay , people dislike some of them , but do they care ?
Let me make a list of names ....
Koh Yi Ven : Guess what this genius told Chin Seng when I was absent for school ? Apparently , she thinks that she can talk Chin Seng out of our friendship . I'm gonna make sure I zha her kao kao during class , I don't care who her boyfriend is ...
Keen Fai : Just because I listened to the orders of Ms.Anne , I am deemed as a "Dog"
Yeah right , grow up , loser .

These Chinese educated people...ARGHHH . Lord , I know I'm supposed to love them , but I lack the patience , please....I need divine intervention , I can't take it anymore .

I need to read more English books , the BM language is killing my grammar . UGHHH .

MercyMe.

I need to listen to music , or at least play an online game.

I can't study without the music anymore , and I don't just listen to ANY music...

I hope I can download the whole MercyMe album by this Saturday...

I guess the reason why MMO's are always so addictive to me is because I actually get to socialize while I'm not being myself...

I hate myself...

Leaning on my own strength is something I must not do , however , it's something I've been doing incautiously .

I have to read more , my grammar is getting from bad to worst !



What have I done to myself ? Falling for the lies of the enemy ...

Hmm;

It's 7 o'clock in the morning .

My mother allowed me to skip school , again .

Well , studies haven't been doing so good ... considering the fact that ALL my monthly test results are not THAT great .

My science lost out to the whole gang along with Fam Yi Wen . Oh gosh , I got owned by a lala ? (The fact that she and her friend beside her got the same marks is just suspicious)
My Sejarah , I lost out to our usual gang too...
KH , I think second-highest ? I got owned by Eu Liang ?!!! Woah...


The following happened during the week :-
-Bought Starbucks and got REALLY hyper (as hyper as Rachel Cheng + Di Wern...Okay not THAT much) to Jo Yee , Iman , Danush , Gavin and Fu Jun . Sorry guys for the uber lameness and retardedness .
-Wasn't present in school on Monday and Tuesday because of Laziness+Insomnia .
-Played Monster Hunter more than I studied ... :0

Nothing really spectacular happened .

Basketball ? I don't even know why I'm playing it , I suck soooooo bad....

Crushless , Act IV . :)

Gayish .

Oh no .

New glasses .

I look so GHEYY!

Motivational '

The two Seminars were today .
Sejarah was good , but BM and Geography were just too fast to follow up with .

We headed over to KFC for lunch because McD's was full . Tortured Felix ... Mwahhahaha .

I've been studying too much of BM related subjects , thus causing my English to deteriorate .

Oh yeah , I stayed back and went to the Mamak with Keith , we played Monster Hunter there.


I haven't watched sooo many movies yet . Argh . I can't wait till PMR is FINISHED .

With THAT particular distraction gone , I think I can probably study in peace now .

Though , I'm rather disappointed with myself lately . I'm being influenced , I'm becoming the very thing that I do NOT want to be .

Gawrsh ...

Things are going horrible .
But , I managed to find a few things to calm me down...
Okay it doesn't .

Playing Monster Hunter solves nothing .

One more week , then it's the holidays , where you're gonna see me cramping all my books into my head . Figuratively .

It's Monday tomorrow .
Yay .


No one has any idea why I love Mondays .
One clue , it's the last thing you would expect from me .

He knows my name ...

I woke up earlier today to attend the Tea Session of my aunty's wedding .

I was supposed to head over to Saint Ignatius's for the Church ceremony , but me and my sister were just overexhausted .

Dinner later . I'm supposed to wear my black slacks again .
Ohhh boy .

I just mini-hacked my Monster Hunter =P . Don't worry Ben Kit , even with that mini-hack I can't get past 4-star or HR 2 . It's nothing much , but it's the least I can do to speed up my progress . I'm still a long way from you people . Sheesh .

You know , many people say that God doesn't answer most of our prayers . But I beg to differ . I mean , I used to think that way , but when I heard about some prayer journal thing from Karina last year , I decided to just put in effort just to remember what I ever prayed about , and...He answers . I'm sure if I made a prayer journal I would see more of his grace and mercy working in my life .

Many times I overlook all the "small" things in Christianity . But what Li Yen told me that day...It meant alot .

God opposes the proud . So wouldn't it be natural for you to feel "Godless" when you're at the peak of your pride ? And when things happen , and you are humbled , you praise him , because God disciplines his children .

I shouldn't have been so overconfident and prideful , thinking that the LaLa's were so downright stupid ? Heck , I forgot the fact that he died for them too , he loves them too .

My studies ... It's getting slightly better .

I'm still planning to be a lifeless Mapler after PMR again . Because people expect me holy , patient , tolerant , smart and friendly ... heck , I'm not Samantha or Ivan .
Don't compare me to them , ever , if you do , you're comparing a pond with the ocean . That's why I'd rather spend my social life in the fantasy world of Maple , where as long as you have a the time and money , you wouldn't be at the bottom of the community .

Happy birthday !

Here's a big happy birthday to the following :
Thinesh A/L Muniandy
David Zachary Mosiun
Weyy Yin
and last but not least...
DANIEL JOSPEH TAY !

I only slept for two hours yesterday night . For some reason . But I still came to school ... AND tried the Cf morning prayer out . I find myself running away from...stuff...rather than paying attention to the sharing .

I survived until CF , BAD day (Brothers appreciation day) . Wasn't worth going given my condition . Then I rushed to the Sahara to have football with Thinesh as it was his birthday .

Then I thought I could take a nap , until Huey Wern told me that I was supposed to prepare the drinks for Daniel Joseph's surprise party . (Last minute... -.- )

Then my sister helped me get 7 bottles of drinks , costed me RM33 . I carried it all to the front of the main church assuming that Cj and Huey would be on time...but noooo.... lol .

Then we all met up at Kayu , including Wai Yan , Yew Leung and Elaine .

So this was what happened :
Jess: Joseph...My mom found out about some things , and she's furious , she wants to talk to you NOW , we're infront of your gate .
Joseph: I'll think of something...I'll think of something....
HueyWern,Cj,Elaine hiding behind a Proton and being stared at by the neighborhood getting barked by dogs...:Shhh Shh...Light the candles , Light the candles.
Me : (Being afraid of dogs , I decided to go uphill , I thought he didn't see me until I spotted a figure that looked just like Ivan on the phone in the house)

(Joseph steps out of his house)

Huey Wern runs with the cake...
and we all sing...: Happy birthday !

It was fun ...

Thanks WaiYan for fetching me home...

Pictures to be uploaded when I'm not so lethargic...


Okay now to the more personal side of my blogging ...

Well , some guy in my transport got quarantined , so I could get to school earlier for this week . I was bored , so I decided to go for the morning prayer thing .

First day...Tried , but saw the...face ...turning around and look at me , decided to turn 180 and head back for class .

Second day...Raining , very few people , decided to go anyway . First time , prayed with David Zachary .

Third day ... Went there early , left half-way and returned halfway .

Fourth day ... Left , returned , and left when Darryl got suspicious of my shyness when I was hiding myself behind Chien Choon .

My monthly test results have been a blow .

I guess it shows that my self-confidence is over-confidence sometimes .

My walk with God ?

Going really...Haywire .

Can't describe it enough here .

Those messed up feelings ?

Being more messed up . Until the point where I don't care anymore .

Li Yen is an awesome friend . I sat next to her for Chinese on Thursday , and it was just when my problems were at it's peak . She gave alot of advice , alot of things I overlooked about Him . God opposes the proud . He truly does .



He came today not because of you .
I'm not letting something so small affect me this much .
It's finished .

Hmmmph .

Another...day at school .

I woke up feeling really lethargic even after taking a shower .

School was normal , except that we didn't have assembly today .

I was actually LOOKING FORWARD to Chinese , because Pn.Teh Mooi Hoon was just too boring...


Okay back to business .

Well , I just taught about some stuff yesterday .
What I said to JoJo...:"I'm worried for you weih..."
Which was like...gay ? Though he is like a bigger brother to me ....

Chinese was usual...with Li Hui treating Chin Seng as her Son . lol .

Then I asked her something...which really caused a stir .

And Felix actually thought that I was that dude in his cbox .

Come on weih , I'm offended , I don't know myself well , but I definitely know that I'm not THAT kind of person...





I don't know what to say already . I'm bombarded with problems , and the crush thingy is just the least of it .

I'm speechless .


With around ... let me count... 1 ... 2....3 , 3 peoples birthday coming up in just this half of the month itself , I got RM100 to spend for all 3 of them ... Woah...

We were planning to get Thinesh a football....







I can't wait till PMR finishes . Why ? Because I feel like losing my social life to MapleStory again . Read my first ever post and you'll understand how addicted I used to be . It might be for no lifers...But at least it's somewhere where I belong...I think . I won't have to worry about anything after PMR and in the game itself , anything in life at least . I've tried being social , but it just so happens that I'm the sort of person that people would love looking down upon .
So what's the point ? I could be "One-with-no-life" , and be respected for once in my life... Then again , I of all people should know how much this isn't the way that I should go . What's wrong with me ?! I need a revival in me , I need time in a place where everyone's praying . . . But there aren't any upcoming camps in my calendar ...



I'm lost .

Quick post .

I went to the Sahara Field earlier on to play Basketball with the Church members instead . However , Andrew and umm.. Zhe Sheng . Then we played Bball . As usual I sucked .

Then More people came , and we started lepaking around , then Huey Lin had this crazy idea to teach me how to cycle .

It didn't turn out well in the beginning , with Daniel Joseph , Huey Wern , Andrew (Especially) and Jun Hao along with that Zher Shearn fella standing beside me just waiting to catch me .

In the end , I got it .

Thank you everyone ! ! !

A lot of wounds on my leg now... but it's worth it !

Weee.

Another day at Church . It was alright , though my mind wasn't 100% there when Ps.Reynold was talking about Galatians and James , along with Faith and actions .
It was intresting..but I just wasn't there . And no . I wasn't thinking about that certain someone okay ?!

Then we ate at Mee Yoke Lim AKA Chow Yang . It's awesome !

Then Huey Wern was trying her best to kacau me .

She scares me . And the fact that she took over my sister's most is just plain funny !

Yeah lah Huey Wern ! You wanna tell Pn.Ernice then tell lah ! I know exactly how to retalliate ! X)

I'm getting annoyed by my Guitar lessons , it's been changing dates every now and then ... Sheeesh .

First to fail .

Oh gosh , I might flunk my test to Green .

I'm using this study-break as an opportunity to be hyper !

Okay no .

I'm finally going back to church today , after week after week of events , I can finally settle down in Ambactus . I miss IVAN!

There's the PMR seminar organized by EduSmart held on the August 16th and 30th , I guess that I'll have to rush there right after church .

PMR is so near....And I haven't covered my maths , history and geography yet .

Shoot ! Why are all the reference books so thick ???

Class has been crazy , with everyone talking about the Genting trip , some of them plan to do the crazy stuff , while some plan to hang out with their special ones , I'm probably gonna emo in my room with Kevin...Oh wait , I'll partayy with the BR-ians ! Well , that certain someone isn't going , along with the other certain someone (Only Chin Seng knows what on earth I am talking about !) The guys are planning to ride the "Solero Space Shot" , which scares the crap out of all of us because of it's extreme speed and height , along with the Corkscrew .

Your grace has found me just as I am...
That phrase has been ringing in my head every now and then after Cf Camp .

Anyway , I'm getting over it , just like what Chin Seng is doing . Somehow I keep forgetting about how our futures were already planned before birth . I keep forsaking the fact that if something doesn't work out , he probably has better plans for us .

Like what Ben in the horror movie "The Reaping" says :" God protects his children....even if they didn't know it" .

Okay back to my Geo paper...What is Ayer Itam for again ?




High-School life ... Something a simple blog could not express .

Oh what a surprise .

I had so many things in my mind to blog about when I booted up my computer , and then I read the recent comments on my Cbox .

Wow .

First point that I should point out : It's just a crush . Sheesh weih , I'm sorry if she's been complaining about me or anything .

Why am I not freaking out or lambasting anyone right now ? Weird right ? Only Chin Seng know's why .

:)

Eheheheh .

Anyway , school has been hectic again , yes , again . Firstly , I fell ill on Tuesday .
Secondly , Pn Norlia and I almost had a religious "debate" .
First , she started labelling Christianity under...Lain-lain . THEN , she asked who in my class were Christians , so I lifted up my hand , then she...Okay let me put this up to a dialog ...

Pn.Norlia : Can I ask you a question Declan ?
Me: Sure , go ahead.
Pn.Norlia : Who's the founder of Christianity ?
Me : Umm , Jesus ?(Not too sure about this one , but HE is the main person along with the father right? )
Pn.Norlia : Where did it start ?
Me : Jerusalem???(It was actually Bethlehem as corrected by Eu Liang)
Pn.Norlia : But there aren't any Christmas trees in Jerusalem , how come on Christmas you set up your Christmas tree's as tradition .
Me + Eu Liang : That tradition was actually added in by some westerners (We think) , and the thing about presents and all were started by Saint Nicholas . The Bible never mentioned anything about Christmas tree's....

She asked it as if she were QUESTIONING me .
Wow .

Then there was Cf's AGM today , it was okay...But the fact that people like Jack , Elaine , Tian Xiong , Daniel Joseph and Wai Yan are leaving is really saddening , I mean , who's gonna drag me to CF now ?! lol .

Then there's grading tomorrow , and my back aches like crap .

Anti-biotics...Oh man...Unlike Karina , mine didn't come with the amazing bubble wrap , instead , there's a picture of the Malaysian flag there . Sheesh.

There's a bitter taste in my mouth that just won't go away . YEEEESH !

I've got more trouble sleeping now , and I overcame it with....COFFEE .

My body's ultimate sensitivity to caffeine really did good to me , with just a little gulp of coffee (1/4) , I managed to make up for 4 hours of sleep and was hyper throughout the whole day !

My dad basically killed off my motivation to study when he pulled back the 6A-Macbook deal , instead , he's ordering himself one . According to him , I would only need it in college , and if I got one now , I would regret .

Next . We all know how hard it is for me to push myself to CF , well , I started doubting a little , being arrogant and all...Then , HE showed me 2 things :
1. A paranormal investigation which shook me to the core on the History Channel
2. A movie called "The Reaping" , which is a horror movie , which had something to do with Satanists and plagues and priests .

It definitely showed me how much he has done for me to protect me from all those , considering the fact that I feared those things ALOT when I was a child , and he helped me to overcome it ...

Life's been a mess lately , a huge one . With low-self-esteem coming around the corner , along with my trials and PMR examinations , I have no idea whether I can take all of it . . . AND with all THESE things happening right now . . . I'm so lost .



Oh screw this .


I'm glad that it's over .


I'm gonna accept the fact the fact that I'm a useless pariah dog okay ? All thanks to you ...


I feel like swearing .

Bloody hell....

Oh shoot ! I just did .

The flu season .

Hey people ! I have 3 minutes to blog , so Imma start now .

First things first , I was too ill for tuition today , I was also afraid that I might spread my disease to the church members . And today's CbC's 35th anniversary ...

Anyhow , I got my haircut , and almost went to the doctor , but it was crowded , then I went and play Bball with Gavin , Chee Seng , Darryl(Cf's next vice pres) and Seng Yew .
I injured Darryl so many times weih....Sorry .
I suck at bball !

Well , that was it .

So many people are still sick right now , I'm betting that we'll see something special happening at school tomorrow . And special might not be good .

I feel like singing love songs , not to her , but to HIM , the savior .
Things have been going up & down in my life , and thanks to his message that blasted me through Wai Yan that day , I knew that I must not stop walking , I almost did , but the outcome is awesome .

Things have been happening in my life that just tells me how great his grace was when he died on that Cross . . . For someone as clumsy , retarded , face problematic , full of sin , easily-angered , vulgar and etc. etc. me , he gave his love for me , even though I'm all of the above and more .

And who cares about the crush ?! I'm learning how to accept the fact that she's way too good for me .

Interact installation 09 ' Taekwondo AGM .

Hardly slept yesterday night , but still managed to make it for Taekwondo .
I tried avoiding eye contact with her , or even thinking about her , but Joachim just had to bring it up when I made a mistake lol .

Congratulations to the new board 09/10 !

Then my dad fetched Gavin back to his house , I got changed , and went back to school .

It's not going to be everyday you see me dress like that...seriously .
So far there's not a picture of me with my full attire . . . I hope .



We were WAYYY ahead of the schedule , we finished cleaning up by 5 , and we were stuffed with soft drinks (THANK YOU GOD FOR NO COKE TEMPTATION ! )

After that , a bunch of us joined by the LEO's namely : Jo Yee , Di Wern and Li Jiet .
So we were walking to McD's , and Kevin splitted up with us to wait for someone at the Sahara , then followed by Di Wern's super loud and awkward comment which made a few Kakak's run away .

Then , me , Gavin , Danush , Chee Seng , Hion , Iain Goh , Suh Hsien , Deborah , Kum Fong and the LEO's met up at McD's . IT was pure retardedness !

The pictures are being uploaded to Facebook right now , but not the videos , their way too large .

Huey Wern danced ! Oh no ! Ivan must watch the video when I'm done uploading it !

It was a fun day lah overall , except it was really awkward sitting next to Deborah , it's like talking to a friend you've never seen for a year .

Well , I'm getting more and more info about how much SHE , doesn't wanna even talk to me or anything . So I'm fine with it ... Whistles .

Oh look ! It's the trial exams ! I'm scared...

Will I be able to get my 6A's and a MacBook ?

Can I do it ?

or..

Will I do it ?